There’s a drama queen that lives in my head. Every time something happens, she freaks out. She makes a mountain out of a molehill. She convinces me that the world is about to end and we will all perish in flames. She’s vicious and she’s loud. She writes grand stories about what has happened and what will happen next and her novels never end well for anyone, especially me. You’ve got one too, I would bet money. It’s the voice in your head that tells you everyone hates you and your butt is too big. It’s the voice that leaves you second guessing how well you did at something or if you made a good impression.

The other part of me that sits there while the drama queen throws a fit and makes a scene, is the Buddha. My Buddha is quiet, she is serene and she really doesn’t sweat the small stuff or the big stuff for that matter. She’s the one I find when I breathe, she’s the one that realizes that all is life is folly and she’s the one watching the drama from the comfort of the box seats, observing the characters react on the stage. She’s the one that I can only hear when I get quiet, when I stop and listen, when I pause. She is present in the moment and is savoring every experience. She is the one I find with me when I walk through nature.

It’s the voice in your head that tells you everyone hates you and your butt is too big. It’s the voice that leaves you second guessing how well you did at something or if you made a good impression.

The paradox is that both of these beings live within me and are present simultaneously. They are both my reality, and every moment, I get to choose. I get to choose which one I want to listen to and which one I believe. It’s easy to hear the drama queen, she’s so loud and obnoxious, and sometimes it sounds like fun to hang around with her, but she’s trouble. The Buddha waits patiently for me. She’s always there but she’s subtle. She is in the silences between noises and in the rustling of the trees. She is my truer self and she is my friend. I can choose which one I listen to. I have that power, at all times and in all situations.

So why would I ever choose to listen to the drama queen? Because it’s easier. I have done it most of my life and it’s what I know. It’s what the world teaches us to choose. There is comfort and validation in thinking that every thing is out to get me. I know that plot line well, I have read that book over and over again. Society loves that book, it is always the best seller. It also makes me feel like it is all about me. The ego loves that, even if I feel like I am being attacked. Remembering that I have a choice is key. Even just remembering that I have a choice at all, even if the drama queen still freaks out is helpful. I am then conscious that there is a choice and that there is another way.

I’m getting good at catching the drama queen now, something happens and I hear myself let out a swear word of frustration and then I remember….the Buddha waits, she watches and smiles at me. Then I breathe, then I smile.